The Grapes Of Hoth [128byte] by Reservoir Gods [web]
o The Grapes of Hoth o
o A 128 Byte Intro o
o By: Reservoir Gods o
"Pffft! What is that?" complained Han Solo spitting a sticky juice onto the
floor of the underground complex.
"Its Snow Juice Han." replied an offended Luke Skywalker.
"Snow Juice - Arse Juice. It's fucking disgusting."
"Tut tut Han," reprimanded a ghostly voice "we can't have profanities here. This
is supposed to be a PG rated film."
"Fuck off Ben you old git."
The wise old Jedi Knight made a disapproving noise and shuffled off in the
direction of the canteena.
"You shouldn't be so hard on Ben. It's not easy for him at his age, especially
with his, you know, problems."
"His piles you mean!" laughed Han.
"It's not funny."
"Luke you really are the most boring individual I have had the misfortune to
meet in the entire universe. If your sister wasn't such a top shag I'd have left
this dump light years ago. You and Ben are such...senior dads!"
"I can understand that you are upset..."
"Bollocks can you! I need a drink. DRINK! Do you understand, DRINK!"
"I don't think it is a good idea. You know the Empire are bringing those new
regulations in about being intoxicated in control of hyper speed space craft."
"What a steaming pile of Tauntaun turd! What difference does it make? You can
hardly gently steer round obstacles when the Falcon is travelling at light
speed! Now fetch me a fucking drink!"
Luke sighed. The boredom of life in a cold snow covered planet was really
getting to the rebel forces. This must be the most boring place in the universe.
Apart from Sweden. The sound of a familiar animal roar snapped the young Jedi
Knight from his sleep.
"Chewie you retarded carpet!" Sneered Han. "Don't tell me, you've lost your
hair-dryer again?"
More growling.
"Really? Are you sure."
Impetuous growling.
"Of course I believe you. I just didn't think there was anything like that
here..."
Excited growling.
"Let's go find a snow speeder!"
"Where are you going?" An exasperated Luke called after the disappearing figures
of his two friends.
"DRINK!" Echoed a voice back through the tunnel.
o o o o o
Admiral Ackbar tried to frown but his physiognomy made it rather difficult.
"Tauntaun meat again?" He complained.
"I'm afraid Admiral, sir, that it is our only reliable source of nutrition"
chirped back C3-PO. "I trust it is cooked to your satisfaction."
"Hurrumph" grunted the Admiral.
"Well I think it is wonderful that you have made such an effort." Cooed Leia.
"By the way, where exactly did you learn your catering skills?"
"Boba Fett runs a chain of takeway Eewok joints. I was briefly employed in one
before meeting master Luke."
"Takeaway Eewoks?"
"Yes they are surprisingly tasty when battered. They go particularly well with
mushy peas. The only problem is a slight case of furballs in the diner after
consumption."
"Yuk."
"It's probably better than Tauntaun meat!" Joked a lowly X-Fighter pilot who was
due to be ruthlessly gunned down in the next scene.
With a crash the doors the dining room flew open revealing Han Solo with a Jabba
the Hutt sized grin across his lips.
"Enjoying your meal?" He asked.
"Not really." Mumbled Ackbar still salivating from the thought of Eewoks with
fried bread and brown sauce.
"Well, this should help wash it down."
There was a gasp from the assembled diners as the rogue whipped out a bunch of
grapes from behind his back.
"Yeah, chewie has found a whole vineyard in set of underground caverns to the
South. Neat eh? I've got R2-D2 treading a huge barrel of them and we should soon
be producing some vintage Hoth wine!"
A round of applause greeted this news.
"That's really grape!" joked a junior Y-Fighter mechanic who was due to be
crushed by heavy machinery in the next act.
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TheGrapesOfHoth o 128 Byte Intro o by ReservoirGods
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The Grapes Of Hoth is the latest is a line of increasing unpopular 128 byte
intros brought to your by the Reservoir Gods.
You will need an FPU to appreciate the full flavour of this intro.
You can still run it without an FPU an enjoy the excitement of seeing rows of
bombs casually displayed on your screen!
o Set your screen into 320x400/480 True Colour Mode
(40 Column, Interlace On/Double Line off)
o Run GRAPES.PRG
o When you have finished turn off your machine and do something really exciting
like watching Sunset Beach.
o Perhaps invites some friends around and have a barbecue.
o Toast the grapes of hoth with the grape based liquid of your choice!
( This intro is compatible with Tesco's "PURE RED GRAPE JUICE : SMOOTH" )
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TheGrapesOfHoth o 128 Byte Intro o by ReservoirGods
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Released: May 10 1998 [ MrPink's Birthday! ]
mrpink_rg@hotmail.com [ PruneFace ]
sh3@zetnet.co.uk [ HammerHead ]
msg_rg@hotmail.com [ Greedo ]
ripley_rg@hotmail.com [ YakFace ]
http://www.acs.bolton.ac.uk/~msg1css/maison.htm
htpp://www.users.zetnet.co.uk/zmoe3/three.htm
Leon O'Reilly. Cwm Isaf. Abermule. Welshpool. Powys. Wales. SY15 6JL. UK
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[c] 1998 Reservoir Gods
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